Hindsight

Somehow, I don’t have very strong memories of childhood. I don’t know why. The period till my class 10 seems like a blur, with certain conversations standing out, a certain games period, a march past on a particularly hot day, some class where I was giggling my head off, the guy I had my first crush on. It’s a mess – there is no clear pattern to all the memory. Post 10th memories are much clearer, maybe because I moved around so much. Memories are clustered as place-specific! I think I can safely say most of the memories are happy, with life getting better at each stage; but there was no dissatisfaction at any stage because I never realized things could be better, until they got better! So that was the happy state of mind I was in when I was young. Quite unlike now, when I am much older, more critical, but hey, still happy!

Looking back.
Not over time spanning over your life, but over a relationship.
It is so affected by the state of mind! If you are happy with that person and don’t have any problems, the relationship seems to be like a spot of sunlight on the horizon of life. A happy place where there are smiles all around. But when you start having problems, things you don’t like about that person combined with all the ‘unpleasant’ interactions pile up in something like a dominoes effect! The whole period becomes like a series of sore issues perfectly timed and calculated with the sole purpose of bothering you. Never mind the fact that these events could be random and unconnected; in your mind they form a pattern that very often leads to “join the dots to see why you are angry” kind of an effect. ‘Nice’ things refuse to penetrate this chain, and things get topsy turvy very soon if not dealt with properly.

So, what determines whether these dominoes are dealt with? Many things I guess – but mainly how much you like the person in question. How important he/she is to you. It is very easy to crib about a problem and leave it. It requires slightly more effort to ensconce the problem in sugar and put it away in the deep recesses of the mind. But in this case, watch out for the time when a bunch of these sugar-coated issues get bitten into – the bitterness can put an end to any warm feeling between the two people. It’s dangerous! The toughest but best way to deal with the dominoes is to address the root cause and build up the board again. Patterns will form, stronger and more beautiful than before! And a sense of well being and security for the concerned folks, who will appreciate and cherish that quality of ‘good friendship’ that is so rare and precious. Until the next fight, when the dominoes are flung off the board in one sweep.

Why are relationships always in cycles? But I guess that’s what keeps them exciting!